


This is Now

by haldoor



Series: Revelations [5]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Flashbacks, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 15:14:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9130003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haldoor/pseuds/haldoor
Summary: Warnings/Spoilers:In the 'flashback' section, Steve is sixteen, Chin in his early 20's.  If mentions of sex between them at this age might offend, please DO NOT READ; however, nothing is explicitly described. The later events take place when Malia was still alive and she and Chin were together, but otherwise there are no spoilers for the show.Disclaimer:I haven't suddenly been granted ownership; I make words, not moneyBeta:Sadly, unbeta'd apart from a thorough editing from yours truly; I'm trying to get as many words counted as I can for 2016.  Please point out any glaring errorsSummary:After the events of the last instalment of this series, Steve and Danny talk further about Chin, and Steve begins to open up about their past relationship.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Part Five of the Revelations series, this takes part immediately after **That Was Then**. I began this story in 2012 with a couple of short fics, but the thing kinda grew and people were interested in seeing what happened both in the past and in the future with all three characters. This latest part was also written some time ago, and I have written another part, but the story has been languishing unfinished in a WIP folder, waiting to go somewhere. I'm hoping if I post this, it might inspire me to finally finish it.

Steve dried off quickly and moved through to the bedroom to find clothes. He could hear Danny coming up the stairs, and frowned, slipping into an old pair of sweats and a clean t-shirt.

Danny came up behind him and stroked a hand down Steve's arm before flopping back onto the bed and smiling speculatively at him.

"Kono says goodbye; she had to go." 

"What did Chin tell you?"

"What makes you think he told me anything?"

Steve huffed disbelievingly and sat on the edge of the bed, giving Danny a serious look. "The way you're looking at me tells me he said something."

Danny's nod confirmed it; Steve wasn't being completely paranoid.

"I asked him to tell me how he saw you back then; he gave me what I assume was the very abridged and probably censored version of events the first time you got together."

Steve dropped his eyes, though he let a smile quirk his lip so that Danny would realize he wasn't too annoyed. He hadn't really wanted to tell Danny about that night – not while he was sober, anyway – and Chin had said he didn't mind Danny knowing. Steve was relieved in a way, though he knew he owed Danny a lot more in the way of explanation about Chin.

"Hey."

Steve let his eyes find Danny's again. 

Danny held out a hand. "C'mere?"

"Why?"

Danny's brows wrinkled. "What do you mean, why? I can't give my… boyfriend? I'm not sure that's even the right word, but what should I use? Lover? What did you call Chin?"

"Back then? I didn't call him _anything_ , in all honesty. I tried not to think about what he was to me most of the time." Steve knew he was probably blushing just a little, but he tried not to pull his eyes away from Danny.

There was sympathy on Danny's face, and Steve took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as Danny spoke again.

"Anyway, c'mere; give me a hug?"

"You need a hug, Danno?" Steve let his expression lighten. "Sure." He moved closer, letting Danny meet him halfway as they wrapped arms about each other and held on tight for a few moments.

"Lie down here with me?"

Steve nodded, and scooted back, letting Danny prop himself up on the pillows, and then he laid back between Danny's legs, resting the back of his head on the man's chest. Danny wrapped an arm around him and Steve lifted a hand to hold it gently as Danny's fingers rubbed softly against his chest.

"He loved you; a part of him obviously still does."

Trying not to stiffen up at the words was difficult; it took a lot of Steve's self-control. He didn't want to be so insecure about this, but talking about emotional issues had never been his strong suit.

"It's okay though, babe. He… he said you're not interested any more and that he loves Malia. He told me…" Danny took a deep breath and let it out again quickly, "He told me I shouldn't worry about being jealous. But… babe – and this does not mean I don't trust you – I just… you know about me and Rachel; but I know nothing about your past relationships beyond the little Chin told me tonight. Sure, there's Catherine, but what have you told me about her either? I… I want to understand, and I need to have something to do that with, you know?"

Steve nodded, rubbing his thumb against Danny's hand where it rested on him. 

Danny sniffed his hair. "You smell so good."

One thing Steve appreciated about Danny was his patience with this. He might be pushy in some areas and usually he wouldn't let Steve get away with anything he didn't think he should, but this was different. He had to explain about Chin – and Catherine too, in time – Steve knew that, but he needed time to find the right words.

"I loved him," He began, his voice soft.

~//~ 

After Chin had left that first time they’d had sex, Steve had had a hard time moving – only partly from the physical pain side of things – and the lump in his throat wouldn't go away. He couldn't go back to his grandmother's feeling like he did, so he eventually headed for the shower, stripping off quickly and turning the water up as hot as he dared.

Touching himself in all the places that Chin had done, he bit at his lip, confused. Why had he let Chin do _that_? He admired him, could even admit he found him attractive – why else would he have kissed him? – but sex? Steve had never considered sex with another guy before. His ass ached; it felt tender when he slipped a fingertip through the ring of muscle, but as he relived the moment when Chin had slid all the way in, eased by the lotion, he had to admit to himself he'd _wanted_ it from the moment he saw the guy standing in his living room.

Removing the finger, Steve closed his eyes and leaned into the wall of the shower cubicle, wrapping soapy fingers around his stiffening cock and picturing Chin's warm skin and heated hand in place of his own as he quickly brought himself off. Shuddering, partly in desire and partly in guilt, he stopped holding back the tears and pressed his forehead into the wall, his sobs stuttering out unevenly into the steady stream of water.

Eventually, the hurt in his head eased off and he got out of the shower, drying perfunctorily and heading for bed before either of his parents realized he was home and came to talk to him.

He slept well that night; way better than he expected to, though he could still feel the ache in both his heart and his backside when he woke. Continuing to avoid his parents, he slipped out of the house and down to swim before he did something foolish like try to find Chin.

The next few days went by in a blur. Every time Steve moved he could feel Chin's presence; imagining them kissing and then almost _feel_ the other – the shameful need and pleasure of the sex. The only reality for him was the friction of his own hand on his cock when he was alone at night, reliving the experience with Chin inside his mind, in lurid and even more imaginative directions than they'd actually taken.

He was frozen in all other ways, unable to even answer his parents decently when they asked if he was okay, or do any of the things he usually did without way more effort than normal. And he didn't know what to do about Chin Ho Kelly. He couldn't seek him out; could only believe that it had been a moment of weakness – or worse, pity for Steve – for Chin; that the man could not possibly want to see him again.

It was a complete surprise, when he opened the door to a knock the following Saturday afternoon, to see Chin standing there in board shorts and an 'aloha' t-shirt, looking as nervous as Steve had felt that night when they'd fucked.

Steve stood there, eyes locked on Chin's chiseled features, his heart thumping wildly and unable to speak.

"Can I… uh, I mean, are your parents here? Should I… do you…" Chin's worried words faded away, and he gestured unevenly before coughing lightly and backing up a step. "I shouldn't have come."

Steve finally stopped gawking, realizing Chin was about to leave without saying whatever it was he'd come to say. He grabbed at Chin's wrist, tightening his fingers around it, stopping him from going anywhere. "No! You… don't go."

Chin looked more than freaked; like he expected Steve's dad to appear from behind him and punch his lights out.

"They're not here. Come in. Please?" Steve said, letting go of Chin's arm.

Chin's look went from frightened to serious, and he rubbed at his wrist as he nodded and stepped inside past Steve, moving away from him and turning to look back at Steve as he closed the door.

"I… I didn't tell them," Steve assured him, certain this had to be causing Chin's fear.

"Thank Christ for that," Chin got out, rubbing at his face. "I shouldn't have… I'm so sorry, Steve. I don't know what came over me that night. I just… you were so… I don't know. I shouldn't have done it anyway, and I wanted you to know how sorry I am. I don't usually do that kind of thing; you must think-"

Steve shook his head, confused. Chin blamed himself for what had happened? " _I_ kissed _you_. I should be apologizing to you for… for wanting something you didn't."

"Didn't? You have no idea…" Chin frowned deeply, shaking his own head. "From the minute you asked me upstairs, I _knew_ what I wanted. I should have said no then."

Steve swallowed hard, blinking at the revelation. "You wanted… that… with _me_?"

Chin snorted and gestured up and down in Steve's direction. "Have you ever looked in a mirror, Steve? What person wouldn't want some? Even a supposedly straight guy would have a hard job turning you down."

"It is my fault then," Steve said, turning away, confusion rising again. He felt close to tears, uncertain about himself, about why Chin had come, about _everything_ he thought he'd known.

"No!" Chin took several steps closer, put a hand on Steve's shoulder, and then removed it again. "It's not your fault, Steve. You're… you're an attractive kid, that's all. Even when you kissed me, I should have been the one to say 'no, this isn't right'. I'm the adult here. I'm supposed to be responsible; to understand that I was taking advantage of you and _I_ should never have gone up there with you knowing what I knew about myself right then." 

"I wanted it; you wanted it. Why was it wrong?" Steve couldn’t help what he realized was inconsistency; he had no idea how to deal with the situation. 

"Steve..." Chin sounded exasperated, the way some of Steve's teachers sometimes did with him when he asked too many questions.

"Don't... don't tell me I'm too young. I'm almost seventeen; if my friends are old enough to know they want sex with girls, why shouldn't I know what I want? I want _you_. You're not that much older than me anyway." Steve knew he probably looked as belligerent as his father often accused him of being, but the words seemed right as he uttered them, and he couldn't understand why they shouldn't see each other if it was what they both wanted.

Chin shook his head. "Maybe you do know what you want, and maybe I am only a few years older, but... I work with your father, Steve. Do you honestly think he'd approve?"

"I don't care if he doesn't approve." Steve took a step forward, sure he saw need in Chin's eyes. "If you tell me you don't want this – don't want _me_ as much as I want _you_ – then you can leave right now, but... I want this, Chin." And now – no matter how sudden it was – more than anything, he really did.

"We can't..." Chin was still shaking his head but his eyes didn't seem to agree with the motion.

"Yes we can. It doesn't have to be like _that_ again. Not that I..." Steve hesitated, dipped his head for a moment, remembering how awkward it had been. "It was okay; just... next time, it'll be _better_."

"Please, Steve... we shouldn't. Your dad..."

Chin's resolve seemed to be weakening. Steve took a chance and moved closer, putting a hand on Chin's shoulder to steady himself, and then kissed him. The resistance was almost non-existent, and Steve pushed it further, despite his inexperience, sure that everything he wanted was right there in the room with him. Deepening the kiss by pushing his tongue into Chin's yielding mouth, he slid his hand from the man's shoulder to cup his face, bringing his other hand up to match the touch on the opposite side.

Chin was not only _not_ fighting it, he was kissing back, and Steve soon became aware of Chin's hands resting tentatively on his hips. Then Steve was backing up, finding Chin's hand with his own and leading him up the stairs before either of them could change their minds.

He had Chin's shirt off before he'd even closed the bedroom door. His own clothes followed rapidly, as Chin removed his board shorts, and then they were lying on Steve's bed.

It was different from the previous time, though the urgency was still there. This time, though, they lay face to face, kissing and thrusting against each other, both all too obviously aware that without condoms they couldn’t repeat what had happened last time. 

Steve was too wound up to hold back for long, and Chin's hand on his cock was the final straw. He buried his face in Chin's neck as he gave in to his release, grunting low in his throat as Chin's strokes slowed down and his thrusts against Steve's hip became stronger. Wrapping hands around Chin's body, he held on until Chin went over the edge too, warm wetness spreading between them. Afterward, Chin pulled Steve back into a soft kiss, pressing him back into the mattress and lying over him, hearts thumping in staccato.

"I should go," Chin murmured, resting his head on Steve's chest, but he made no move to do so.

Much as Steve wanted him to stay, the growing realization that his parents could be home any minute made him nervous. Awkwardly, he patted at Chin's back, closing his eyes and trying not to think about anything. 

They lay that way for some minutes before Chin finally shifted, climbing off Steve and reaching for tissues to wipe at the mess on his body before finding his clothes. Steve flicked his eyes back and forth between Chin dressing and his own hands as he wiped at his sticky skin and then pulled on shorts and t-shirt.

Chin looked almost as apprehensive as Steve was feeling. "Look, I don't know about-"

Steve cut him off, feeling brave, shaking his head and moving closer. "Don't say it won't happen again. We both know it will. Give me a number I can call you on."

"Steve..."

"I'll come to you next time. Then we won't have to worry about my parents."

Chin blinked at him uncertainly, and then nodded, moving over to Steve's desk to write something on the pad Steve kept there. He turned back to Steve afterwards, his smile uneasy. "I live over on the North Shore; you sure you can get there?"

Steve nodded, flexing his fingers, nervous again. "Don't worry about it. You... you do live alone?"

"Yeah." Chin reached out a hand, almost touching Steve's face before changing his mind at the last minute.

Steve's heart sped up at the motion and he looked at Chin, hopeful, but afraid to move.

"I'm working late shifts most of the week, but I'll be free on Friday night. Call me then."

Steve smiled, nodding again as Chin gave him one last searching look before heading out of his room. Steve followed him downstairs, and taking his courage in his hands at the last minute, stopped him by grabbing Chin's arm just before he opened the front door. 

"Chin, I..." Chin turned, his eyes wide. Steve shifted closer and kissed his surprised lips briefly before letting go and backing off. "Thanks. I'll see you Friday."

"Friday," Chin repeated, a small smile just about in evidence as he finally made it out the door.

~//~ 

Of course Steve didn't tell Danny all of it; most of it hardly explained why Steve had fallen in love with Chin, but he gave Danny enough of the story to understand why he and Chin had taken things further.

"So you made the date the following Friday?" Danny asked, tipping his head forward to kiss the top of Steve's head, his fingers soothing circles against Steve's skin.

"Yeah," Steve confirmed, "and every Friday after that for several weeks. Chin was always… concerned that it was wrong though; that I was too young."

"And him working with your father can't have helped." Danny didn't exactly sound disapproving, but Steve could sense his wariness of upsetting Steve with any comment.

"No, he… he felt like he was betraying Dad somehow. And I know now it wasn't right, Danny, believe me, but I don't blame Chin. I pursued him. He tried to warn me off; I just wouldn't take no for an answer."

Danny nodded but didn't say anything. Steve tilted his head to look back up at him. "I know what you're thinking."

"And what, oh wise one, am I thinking?" Danny asked, a corner of his mouth quirking up humorlessly.

Steve shifted, moving up beside Danny on the bed. He leaned over to kiss him lightly, winding an arm around his shoulders. "You're thinking you would have tried harder to resist a kid who was still more than a year away from finishing high school."

Danny gave him a look which said he wasn't wrong. "I'm seriously trying not to judge, babe."

"From this distance, Danny, it's easy to say what's wrong and what's right, but… back then, we were both young, both confused about… about everything. You've got to remember Chin wasn't that much older than me. Just because he wasn't at school doesn't mean he was any more able to think about right and wrong when my mouth was on-"

"Yes, thank you very much, I get the picture." Danny frowned, pushing away from Steve and getting off the bed.

Steve gestured helplessly. "Danny, please? I was only going to say 'on his mouth'. I understand your unease, but…" He took a breath, standing up too, and moving closer to Danny. He took one of Danny's hands in his own, and licked his lips before speaking again. "I can't change that now; neither can Chin. We did what we did and it's all in the past. You want to understand, don't you? Should I tell you what happened when my mother died?" He bit at his lip, unsure he really wanted to go into that right now.

Danny gave him a half-smile. "You're right, babe; it's in the past, but yeah, I can't help wanting to know more. But let's eat, huh? It's getting late and I'm hungry." He tugged lightly on Steve's hand. 

Offering Danny a grateful look, he nodded. "There's plenty of time, and I will tell you, but yeah, I could use some food now."

~//~ 

TBC


End file.
